i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
