We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
