If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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