My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
