how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
