It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Alive.
So much puke
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
