im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
