What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
