Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
