I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize