Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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