At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
