Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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