Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
