Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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