My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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