Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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