Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
