My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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