Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
