I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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