Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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