I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
