I'm really into asian looking animals
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
