Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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