I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
