he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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