I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
NoShamevember. You game?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
