ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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