i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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