In the future we'll all be gay
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
