I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
