smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
