his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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