yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize