Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
