I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
