If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have fence marks all over my body
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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