so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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