I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
