We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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