Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
