Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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