"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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