I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
