Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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