He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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