You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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