May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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