Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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