beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
