Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
