Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
