we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
