Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
