Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
