I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dick very happy bro
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