You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
