This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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