We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
