You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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