she woke up with a sticky ear
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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