I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
