one might say we're banned from that church
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
