My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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