ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
