More tranny stories later!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
