No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
