Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
