Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
