just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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