he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
