I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
