Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
