Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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