why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
